Thoughts on thinking…

Yes you read the title right…I’m not going crazy…I haven’t turned into Dr. Suess… but I have been having thoughts on thinking…

With all the changes and craziness going on in the Davis family no wonder my mind has been in a twirl.  It seems that I the more I think, the more twirly my thoughts get.  One moment I can be trying to figure out what to have for dinner and the next I’m caught up in the logistics of our upcoming totally packed summer.  It’s like the thoughts I think are all over the place. So when one of these twirly tangents got me wondering if what was going on in my life, in my mind, was helpful or not.  So I thought, who better to wonder with, than you!

So here is my question…..Do the thoughts we think hold us back?

I believe that it IS possible for our thoughts to hold us back, depending on what we are thinking about.  Why?  Because, each and every day we make choices based on what we think about. And over time, these choices really can add up and change the direction that our lives are headed.

I know that when I think to much I get caught up in the “what-if spin” and that is never good!  I start to stress and worry because my thoughts build on each other and that’s when the twirl begins.  For me, it’s only a matter of time until  I become unfocused and unproductive.  All because each thought lead to another, and before I know it the negative thoughts can build up.

However, if I “mind my mind“, and stop the twirl before it gets out of control, I’m able to see the issue, find a solution and accomplish what I set out to do. No twirl, no what-if spin and I can continue moving forward.

I have talked about having children, and I think that this shows up exponentially in their lives. It’s almost as if what they think about turns into reality instantly. Maybe it’s that they are so much more connected I don’t know….but if they think they will do well on an exam, they will.  If a fear rises in their mind, you can bet that they will have to address that situation in some way.  The thoughts they think about impact and influence their lives more than any other factor. And until now I really didn’t get that.

And it’s the same for adults, we become what we think about more often than not. Sometimes this is a good thing, and other times it can be detrimental. If I look in the mirror and feel fat, you can bet that those thoughts affect how I eat and exercise that day.  If my thoughts are filled with confidence and pride you know I’m walking with my head high and focus in my eyes.

So in answer to my question, Do the thoughts we think hold us back.  The answer is if we aren’t careful they will.  So for the next few weeks, that’s my “thing” to work on….Minding my mind and tending to my thoughts, and hopefully the tangent twirls will go away and instead of my mind thinking on my thoughts I may be able to get something done!

I’d love to hear your comments and stories of how your thoughts affect your life.

Family Life: Our Secret to Raising Good Kids

For years people have asked me how we did it. 

They wanted to know the “tricks” we used to raise our kids. They questioned how we taught them to be nice, respectful and friendly.  They marveled at the fact that our kids get along AND still enjoy hanging out with us! And they beg to know our secrets.  And off the top of my head I can’t ever come up with the answer. So I started thinking about it, and bottom line….we listened. And here is how:

We Listened:
Our Secret to Raising Good Kids
by Judy Davis

We listened when they were babies and attended to their needs.

We listened when they were toddlers and wanted us to playmake believe 

We listened when they asked us to read the same story OVER and OVER.

We listened when they were in their formative years and followed through with consequences when the situation called us to.

We listened when they were pre-teens and their attitudes and emotions seemed to transform by the minute.

We listened when they asked us to help or join them in a game, at an event or at something that was important to them.

We listened when they were in their early teens and needed to exert their independance.

We listened when they learned to drive and wanted to know we trusted them.

We listened when they screwed up and needed to explain why.

We listened when they were scared and needed our strength.

We listened when they had decisions to make (even the one’s that seemed so trivial to us, but were important to them).

We listened when they were happy.

We listened when they celebrated.

We listened when they cried.

We listened even when they tried to push us away.

But most importantly we listened when no one else did.

No tricks, no secrets, no magic….our kids are incredible because we listened.

Army Life: The Reality of FRG’s

Today’s Direction Moment:  Don’t let other’s opinions dictate where you get support, make your own decision and participate.

So last night was another FRG meeting.  Information was put out, there was a speaker who educated everyone about some valuable resources and there was a potluck dinner so people could socialize and get to know one another.  Sounds good right?  Well………

For those of you who haven’t mastered the Military Slang (and my husband can attest to the fact that I still haven’t gotten the knack of it after all these years) an FRG is a Family Readiness Group.  It’s designed to be a communication system for families and soldiers helping the command disperse information and share resources to ease the stresses of typical Army life.

Now if you ask 20 different army spouses and their soldiers what their opinion of an FRG is you will hear things like: Gossip mill, Causes to much drama, Worthless Organization, Waste of Time, Great Way to meet people, Good Resource, Helpful and everything in between.  For me, it’s a little bit of all of those things.

I’ve been part of good FRG’s and not so good FRG’s.  There have been good leaders and awful leaders, and even the not so good ones provided  value IF I was involved.  And truth be told, some of my best “Battle Buddies” I met at an FRG event. But for so many people in the military, it just isn’t that way. 

What I see often happens is that the people who don’t participate, the one’s who don’t contribute, the one’s who come in to “do their time”  tend to be the biggest whiners and complainers that I have ever seen. They have an entitlement attitude and very little appreciation for the people working hard trying to make their lives a little easier.  And last night was no different.

When the speaker was talking, people were rude.  More than once I heard comments about how awful it was or that “we could be home relaxing, but instead we are here for this stupid thing”. So many of the spouses and soldiers obviously didn’t want to be there, but instead of making the best of it and finding value, they just complained.  I can only imagine the conversations that took place on the way home. And that’s what I don’t understand.  

Sure we are all busy. Sure our guys have been in the field ALOT. Sure I have better things to do on a Weds night.  But for an hour once a month, to get information that will make my life better, connect me with people who “get” what I’m going through, and provide me with the opportunity to meet the people my soldier spends so much time with, well to me, that seems important. 

But the reality…. not many “Army Wives” see it that way.  To them the FRG is a necessary evil that is just a waste of their precious time. Some will even come out and say it directly to you.  And frankly I feel that  it’s rude to come to a potluck empty handed and then dare to complain about how “stupid” the FRG is as you are filling your face with the food I brought! 

No wonder the FRG’s get such a bad rap.  It’s that type of attitude that prevents people from having a good experience. And …it’s that kind of attitude that burns out the people who happen to volunteer. What I’ve found is that the people who help out the most aren’t the one’s causing drama, nor do they participate in the gossip.  It’s the whiners and complainers who stir things up. 

The biggest problem with the FRG is not that there is gossip and drama, nor that the time spent at the events is “wasted”, (if you think about it, the people that gossip and cause drama are everywhere). Heck have you ever read some of the posts and responses on Facebook? That’s in itself could be  it’s own episode of “Army Wives”.  

The biggest problem I see is that some people expect the FRG to do FOR them not WITH them.  People expect the volunteers to answer questions, come to their aid in an emergency and help them with all their issues even though they don’t participate at any other time. And often even if they are rude.  There was even someone who called asking what time her soldier was coming back from the field and was angry and very verbal when we couldn’t give her an exact time.  Is there ever an exact time when it comes to the Army?  Not that I can recall , but because we didn’t give her the answer she was looking for, “the FRG is a worthless piece of dog doo doo.

Newsflash to all of you FRG haters….The people who run and organize the events, meetings and fundraisers are all volunteers.  They do what they do to make a difference where they see a need. But more importantly they are spouses, moms, carpool drivers and so much more just like you.  

So next time you are bashing the FRG, judging those volunteers who work hard to make your Army experience better or your soldier doesn’t want you to get involved because they have “heard” all about the awful thing that the  FRG is, I encourage you to reconsider.  Maybe even check to see if your attitude needs a little adjustment. Ask yourself if there is any truth to your opinions or are they hearsay, because my guess is that if you gave it a chance and participated a bit more, you will find that it is an incredible group with lots to offer you on so many levels. And if you continue to  find that there is always drama and gossip when you go, maybe you should take a look in the mirror. 

There is value in what the FRG does (especially when your soldier is gone and you need support) and just because a few bad apples have given it a bit of a reputation doesn’t mean that you should hop on that band wagon!  I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject and how the FRG has made your life in the military richer!

Rocky Mountain Adventures

Today’s Direction Moment:  Strive for THAT kind of happy!

There’s much to be said about getting away for the weekend to recharge your spirit and rest your mind.  And really there is no better place than in the Colorado Rocky Mountains.  Everytime we are headed up, I can’t help but break into the John Denver Song…..Rocky Mountain High…Colorado (be glad you can’t hear me, because I didn’t receive an ounce of ability on the singing front).

My husband and I don’t camp “cozy”, we love the down and dirty, out in the wilderness, no showers, no running water, what you bring in with you, you take out kind of camping.  We go where we do, not only because it is incredibly beautiful, but in these remote locations out in the boonies, that’s where we escape from the “real world” and we get to do our favorite hobby, Gold Prospecting!  (Who knew right !?!)

Now you may be thinking to yourself, Judy wilderness camping, no cell reception, diggin in the dirt for days with no running water, now that’s something I gotta see (and I will admit that at times it really is a comedy of errors- maybe someday I’ll share the “battle with a cactus that had me pulling  needles out of my butt cheeks for days” story)……but it’s all worth it when you see me with my fashionable layers, big floppy hat and a huge dorky smile ….truly loving something so out of my “norm”.

The reality is, that all the stress that life brings, melts away when you take out all the distractions and modern conveniences and do something that you normally wouldn’t do. For me that’s a place with no computers, no soldiers, no phones and no housework. It’s a place where I can hear myself think.  It’s a place where the magic happens.

It  is truly peaceful when all you can hear is things like the Arkansas River running, hawks calling out to one another or a bird singing in the morning sun.  Where else would you be so relaxed that can stir in the middle of the night wondering why it’s so bright and look out to see that the moon is so full and the stars so bright that they are actually lighting up the world. Who wouldn’t stop to make a wish and just be amazed at the beauty? 

It’s in those moments that you forget that it’s only 28 degrees or that you haven’t had a shower. It’s in those moments that you quit thinking about all the “crap” in your everyday life. You don’t care about the past, or the future, you just immerse yourself in the present moment and all lifes troubles just melt away.  You don’t  worry or care what tomorrow will bring because out here it doesn’t matter.  None of that “stuff” matters. The only thing that you think about is how grateful you are to be alive and how lucky you are right where you are at.

Sure every now and then you come across some people with similar dirt smudges on their face and hats dorkier than your own.  Each of you come from very different backgrounds, but you all have one thing in common, you are REALLY happy!  Not the “oh here comes Suzie-Q, I need to put on my smiley face” kind of happy, but the “I love my life and am grateful to be right here right now” kind of happy. You can see it in our eyes and in our mannerisms. There’s no stress out here.

And isn’t that the kind of happy we all strive for?

The kind of happy that can’t even be ruined by a flat tire, an almost flat spare (that you pray is going to make it all the way into town), a painful run in with a cactus for you and your puppy or the fact that you forget an entire bag of food in the fridge.  [Remember the comedy of errors I was talking about...yeppers true story ]

It’s funny but out here in the Rockies these “stressors”, that at home would make us crazy, turn into fond memories that we will laugh about for years…… and that’s the kind of happy that I want in my life don’t you?

Adventures in Cell Phone Land….

Have you ever had one of those days that despite your best efforts things just keep annoying you?  Well I’m having one today.

I am usually not one to whine, but I’m having a missing my soldier, the Military Life annoys me, my puppy is a pain in my a$$ and the mud all over my carpet just put me over the edge kinda day. And when I thought it couldn’t get worse………….well…..

My 6 month old German Shorthair Pointer Puppy (notice I didn’t use her name b/c I’m VERY annoyed with her right now) decided to eat my cell phone for her mid-afternoon snack (see pic above).  And because this isn’t the first “munching”, I got NO sympathy. So now I’m forced to get a new phone….SUHWEET… this day could really use some retail therapy, right?

Not so much!

All I wanted to do was to exchange my phone, nothing fancy, nothing complicated (or so I thought). I had an available upgrade and my only “criteria” was that I refused to get a Smart Phone. I know, I know, they are convenient, everyone has them, you can access the internet … yada yada…call me old fashioned, but I do NOT want to be THAT connected to ANYTHING 24 hours a day.

So fast forward to my moment of truth and the realization that my son was right…I did need to “get with the times”. Did you know that you can’t get a “regular” cell phone anymore? As I opened the door and walked into the store, I felt like I stepped into the land of Oz and there was no question about it, I wasn’t in Kansas anymore.  I looked around…the store was so different than when we were there less than a year ago.  It was so Techy and futeristic, it looked nothing like the cell phone stores we had frequented over the years. And I found myself twhirling around taking it all in.

No longer were the walls and kiosks lined with different models to choose from.  Now….as I gazed around there was a sea of Tablets, Ipads, Smartphones, I-phones, Netbooks and Jetpacks (what those are I still don’t know), and tucked away in a little corner almost as an after thought were the “dumb” phones I was searching for.  And in short order I realized that for those of us resisting the 4G world we had 3 choices, that’s it.  Nothing more. And one of them didn’t even have a keyboard.

I have to give the salesman, a young 20 something kid who was able to juggle not 1 but 2 Smartphones, a Bluetooth and a Tablet  just to be able to do his job, credit for not laughing in my face when he informed me that my “dated model” was actually discontinued months ago. I was shocked I got it less than 2 years ago.  He then went on to apologize for the fact that he could only offer me 3 choices, but the reality is that the industry is changing, and that sooner rather than later I would have to change with it. 

And I know I will….eventually… but for now the thought of learning that new technology is overwhelming, not to mention that I really don’t want it.  So, I’ll just stick with option #2 of the 3 “dumb” phones ….which by the way is so much more advanced than my previous model that I still haven’t figured out how to use it…..

Maybe in a few days I’ll figure out how to call someone for a little tech support….in the mean time I’ll slip into some red slippers and remember there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home……….

Army Life: Dysfunctional,unpredictable, crazy, fun and worthwhile!

Today’s Direction Moment:  Never take the line at Starbucks for granted.

Ahhh…the line at Starbucks early on a Sunday Morning.  It’s almost as delicious as my Venti Non-Fat No Water Chai [btw....if you haven't had one...you gotta try it ...tell them Judy sent you ;)] …….but anyway back to my story. 

The lady 2 people ahead of me obviously straight from the gym, toned arms and all (I think I hate her); then there is the army wife with 3 kids in tow just trying to get some caffeine so she can re-start her already hectic day (been there done that); the group of guys who if I had to bet on it haven’t been home since last night and are debating whether to pull an all-dayer to go with their all-nighter (so glad my college days are behind me); the soldier who obviously got stuck with duty this weekend trying to stay away for a few more hours til his relief gets in….and then there is me – straight from the muddy dog park, after dropping my husband off early for yet another week away in the field – my hair in a ponytail, no make up, covered in paw prints and smelling like the gourmet salmon flavored dog treats that are extra smelly just so my puppy pays attention when every other scent is tickling her nostrils (btw… it doesn’t work).

But here we are all of us and our different lives in line waiting together and instantly we bond over what is the common thread – our “ArmyStrong-ness”.  Small conversations start up because we are all here waiting for the doors to open and we have to pass the time somehow (oh did I forget to mention that I wasn’t the only one who thought it opened earlier than it does on Sunday ).

Beautiful arm lady is anxiously awaiting for her husband to return from a long year in Afghanistan, she can’t wait to see him and tell him in person that she reached her goal of losing 75 pounds while he was gone. My group of “party boys” all “newbies” to the Army leave for the same place within the week and are admittedly a bit frightened. The mom with the kids…her husband left this morning to go back to the sandbox after a much needed 2 weeks of R&R and she’s really not sure how she’s gonna get through the day. And well the  rest of us have the usual “Army life stuff” going on and just doing our best to find the bright spot in every day.   

But the amazing part is that in this line there is no rank, there is no judgement, there is no “my situation is worse than yours”, and there is no “feel sorry for me”.  It’s just a group of people who “get” what each others lives are like, and in the sharing of our experiences we end up supporting each other without even trying. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s so beautiful out, or because it’s early on a Sunday it could even be that we all feel a little raw today, but it’s moments like this that make me proud to be in the “military family”. 

No where else can such a diverse group of people come together and form instant bonds.  No where else would frighten soldiers help out a frantic mom by holding her baby while she ran for her toddler.  No where else would a muddy, hair pulled up, paw printed, dog treat smellin spouse who hadn’t had caffeine yet, feel so welcome. No where else but in this line, on this post and in this “family”. And the funny thing is that this family changes daily, new faces, new outfits, new situations but at the root of it we all have a silent bond that is ours to share no matter where we are, what line we are in, or who we are standing next to.

Yep it’s times like this that I’m proud to be part of this dysfunctional, crazy, fun and unpredictable group of people that have become MY military family.

Loving This!

Reblogged from Channelcomfort:

Loved this post from the blog Channel Comfort and I had to share it!

Army Life: Yeah it matters….

Direction Moment:  The greatest weapon against boredom and the blahs is to keep your day full of things that matter.

The other day as I was IMing (Instant Messaging) with one of my Army pals, we were chatting about our day and how we had spent our time since we had spoken last.  The conversation seemed “par for the course”; Our day had been long and boring, wishing we were actually still stationed in the same place so we could hang out and chat in person….we missed the day to day interaction and the security of knowing there was that person you could count on who didn’t judge…(HUGE bonus in the military world )

Now don’t get me wrong, we both have lots to do.   We have tons of activities, work, errands, kids, pets and other ”stuff” on our plates. I couldn’t believe we were talking about how “bored” we were, I mean shoot I don’t think she has had a day off from kids since I don’t know when, and she just laughs at my “life with a puppy” stories… It shocked me that I didn’t get why we kept saying we were bored.  And we weren’t the only one’s. 

Over and over these last few weeks not only us, but friends, family and other army wives have been “bored” and “blah”.  The weird part is that we are all busy…so I began to wonder why these feelings kept popping up…

And what I figured out was that we weren’t bored!  The reality is that we had gotten into a cycle where we weren’t filling our days with things that were important to us.  Our days were filled with activities that were important to someone, but they didn’t really mattered to us.  And when that happens I don’t know about you but it’s a down hill slippery slope…My thoughts wander, I lose focus, I get out of my routine, my workouts non-existent, my eating …sheesh and I tend tolump all the emotions together and label the resulting feelings as “boredom”.

So I began to wonder…. if the blah’s and boredom are filling our days, the thing I need to do is find something to do that matters.  I realized I needed to start asking questions like…..What action can I take that are fun AND productive? What thing can I do that is important to ME, and  then make time to do it.  So how can we counter this sense of unrest?

It may be as simple as taking a walk and thinking about what you are grateful for, it may be writing a letter to a loved one or it may be taking a class in a new area of interest. It may even be changing up the daily routine.

No matter what it is, if what we are doing matters an interesting thing will occur ….our boredom will go away, our spirit will be renewed and we will feel energized once again.

We all want to do things with our lives that matter…and thats a good thing.

Soap Operas and Facebook….

Today’s Direction Moment: Be Present in Your World, and magic will happen!

As I “check in” to my facebook world, I can’t help but notice the extremes.  Suzie Q is having the greatest day of her life, and Johnny is asking for prayers of strength. Rebecca is starting a new job, while Max is going on yet another interview. Even those “watching” me can tell that I am jumping for joy at the thought of holding my new granddaughter. It’s almost like a soap opera that we become addicted to isn’t it?

Soap Operas like facebook tune us in to other peoples lives, and help us escape from our own. I mean if we can worry about how Max will support his family if he can’t find a job then whew…I don’t have to think about what’s going on in my world. Right?

The “catch” is that once you are “sucked in” something happens.  You begin to worry that you might miss something.  You wonder if what’s happening in Suzie Q’s life is “really” what’s going on….I mean can someone actually BE that happy?  And then before you know it, all of a sudden you are focusing on everything else in the world.  You are wondering if the grass is greener, if your life is really THAT messed up. I even know of several people who began to question their spouses “faithfulness” because of an acceptance of a friend on facebook.  REALLY!  It takes more than a click of a button …

The reality is that it’s very easy to get entangled into that “other world”…..years ago I can remember rushing home with my sister’s to watch General Hospital. We did NOT, could not, miss an episode or God forbid we may have to wait until tomorrow to see if  the  OH SO AMAZING “Blackie Parrish” (aka John Stamos) would actually go to prison. [In truth, I think that storyline lasted for months, but we stayed tune just in case a major development came up ].  We were so “caught up” in that world of Luke and Laura,  and Blackie and the Riff Raff that we not only talked about it, we actually worried about it and waited in line for HOURS just so my sister could get Blackie’s autograph. I am scared to think about how much more consumed we could have gotten if we were able to follow his fan page or see his tweets!

My point is that Soap operas and Facebook are designed to suck you in.  They are designed to give you a glimpse of a world that isn’t your own. And they’re designed to keep you ”watching” over and over again providing an escape from the “stuff” going on in our own lives. Don’t get me wrong, I see the hook and appreciate the entertainment factor, but while I no longer watch soaps,  I DO have to work at keeping my “real life” separate from the “facebook world”. Why because real life is where I live. Real life is what I need to focus on.  And Real life is where the magic happens! 

In the world of facebook, it’s easy to feel like you have to stay connected, or that you have to “keep up an appearance” (don’t even pretend that you haven’t written a post and changed the verbiage b/c a particular someone may judge it ). And the downside of a steady diet of these types of entertainment, is that we can forget that it is entertaining, we begin to take it to seriously.  We get offended if someone doesn’t comment or share, we take it personally if they don’t visit our farm, and we get angry if they “judge” or misinterpret the meaning of a post.  All of these things are why “entertainment” like soap operas and Facebook lead us to look at life in a non-realistic way.   And in the long run that works against us.

Think about it, seeing a post from an old friend can have you wondering, wishing and stressing about times gone by.   A profile can have you thinking that you don’t measure up. (I mean who hasn’t compared themselves to someone in their field, another biz owner or even that person your old flame is now married to).  And let’s not even begin to talk about “the beautiful people” on the soap operas…because we all know that their lives are not even close to being like the characters they play. 

So I’m thinking that in order to  prevent ourselves from the pitfalls that a steady diet of soaps and facebook can have, we have to work twice as hard to stay grounded. We have to work hard not be so uptight and judgemental of the stuff we post and respond to, and we have to focus on the here and now….because that’s where the magic happens, and that’s where memories are made and dreams come true. 

Hmmmmm…..I wonder if I google “Blackie Parrish” what will pop up….I mean I can always do a little surfing to “step away from the facebook” for a few hours right…..;) !

Army Life: I Give To You My Son….. (The plight of an “Army Mom”)

So often I talk with, speak to and console other military spouses as we send our husbands off to fight.  But yesterday a friend of mine from our previous unit did something that I’ve never had to do.  She’s a “seasoned” army wife, having dealt with, survived and even thrived through multiple deployments, but yesterday was something new for her. 

This deployment, this time it is her son who is the one who is bravely serving his country.  And it’s different. 

Don’t get me wrong, sending our spouses off is hard enough, but as mom’s our children are part of us. For their entire lives we’ve been responsible for their safety and been there to make sure that we catch them if they fall.  And when she shared the poem “I Give You My Son” (see below), instantly tears welled in my eyes and my heart broke for her. You see I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to comfort her, and that was so hard. (And for those of you who are just getting to know me, when things get emotional and I’m not sure what to “do”…… I blog )

I can only imagine how difficult her day and her week has been. I can only imagine how hard these months will be. I can only imagine how much harder it is this time.  You see, I can only imagine, because I haven’t been in her shoes.  But I do know that this time ….it’s different for her.  How do I know, because I’m a mom too. And while I may not “get” all that she’s going through, I know that it’s harder and I know at times over the next year she may need to lean on us when things get a bit overwhelming. 

And I just want to say to her what I couldn’t earlier…… “Girl, we got your back as we always will, and you have shared your son in the most honorable way.  We will keep him close to our hearts and in our prayers as he serves and will rejoice with you when you welcome him home safely in your arms!”    

 

 I Give To You, My Son

I held him as an infant; I hugged him as a boy
and through the years he has become my greatest pride and joy.

I love him more than I can say, his life more precious than my own,
but gone are the whims and notions of the little boy that I had known.

For the years have passed so quickly since the time it all began
and now he stands before me with the conviction of a man.

He wants to serve his country, he states aloud with pride
as I try to sort out the emotions that I’m feeling deep inside…

a union of the uncertain fear, which I cannot control
and the allegiance which lies deep within my patriotic soul.

I trust that my years of guidance will serve as a strong foundation
as he performs the duties requested from his beloved nation.

God please guide him as he travels to the places our soldiers have bled
and walk with him through pathways where those heroes’ feet have tread.

Oh Sweet Land of Liberty, humbly I give to you, my son
praying you’ll return him safely home when his work for you is done.

—Author unknown—