Thoughts on Dog Parks, Playgrounds and Grocery Stores…

I’ve been debating whether or not to write this blog, as it will be filled with my opinions (which may be a little intense) and observations (that come from my experiences and may or may not jive with your experiences) and just to spice it up there  may even a heavy dose of what I believe  about how people “should” behave . But as with all my blogs, I write from my experiences and well I HAVE something to say and I’m just gonna put it out there exactly as I feel it! I welcome your thoughts and input and can’t wait to hear your opinions….

Today’s Direction Moment:  Participate in what you are doing, and watch your life improve!

The other day I wrote about the value of being nice and ever since then I have been very “tuned in” to how people act and react towards one another.  Sadly I have noticed something, people are NOT participating in their lives.  Sure they are going through the motions, doing the activities on the never ending check list,  running from one place to another but  ask them how they are and be ready for an ear full of all the stuff they still have to do and how miserable they are going to be doing it. 

They have become so self absorbed that they are missing out on the important things in life; family, friends, community, a child giggling or even an elderly couple holding hands.  And what’s worse  is that it isn’t only affecting them, it’s actually hurting everyone around them as well.   Instead of gratitude there is attitude.  Instead of smiles there is impatience.  Instead of being helpful, there is rudeness.  No wonder there are so many miserable people out there.  Stress levels, depression and anxiety are at an all time high. Why? Because we are surrounded by attitude, impatience and rudeness. That simple fact makes it that much harder to focus on the good things, or to be grateful for the magic in our everyday lives and it’s affecting every one of us in some way. 

Many “motivational experts”, myself included talk about how important it is to keep your thoughts positive in order to create the life you desire.   But how can you do this in an environment that isn’t conducive to positive thoughts? How can you do this if you are bombarded with negativity. No wonder why it’s getting harder and harder for people to stay in a positive place with some of the “crap” going on out there.  Which is why I decided to shed some light on some situations that I have seen that breed negativity,  and maybe just maybe we can begin to make a difference by talking about it and taking action.

What does this have to do with dog parks, playgrounds and grocery stores you may ask?  Well these are the places that some of my experience and therefore my opinions have come from. It’s seems to be turning into a jungle out there, and it’s time to do something about it!

Thought #1:  Just because you take your dog to the dog park (or your children to the playground) doesn’t mean that you are responsible dog owner (or parent). 

Talk about not participating in life.  Some of the biggest offenders are those people who go to the park and just check out emotionally.  They think that they are doing “right” by their kids (human and canine alike) by getting them outside, in the fresh air, exercising…. yada yada….The reality is that everyone else is tending to the needs of their little ones while they are relaxing and taking a break.  In the mean time, their dog (or child) is running wild, potentially hurting others, misbehaving and through no fault of their own making it miserable for everyone else around them. 

The park is a place to interact.  It is a place to come together and learn valuable social skills.  It is a place for fun.  And in order for everyone to have fun, EVERYONE needs to be responsible. It’s not my (nor anyone else’s) job to make sure your “kid” follows the rules and “plays nice”.  It’s not fair that I have to watch where I walk because you didn’t clean up your dog’s poo. When your kid throws rocks and hurts mine, that’s just plain rude.  And when you ignore the fact that your “kid” isn’t following the rules, and doesn’t “play nice with others” sadly they are the one’s who will suffer in the long run.   

Parks are a place for community and when everyone plays fair we can all have fun.  Will I push your kid on the swing when they are next to mine. Of course.  Will I throw the ball for your puppy when they are playing nicely with mine.  Absolutely.  Do I subscribe to the “it takes a village” philosophy? Sure.  But when I’m forced to take on the responsibilty of  watching your “kid” so that mine can have fun, I get frustrated.  And the sad part is that you don’t even get that I am more than happy to help you so that both of us have experiences at the park that are enjoyable. 

Thought #2:  The isles of a grocery store are NOT, I repeat NOT a nascar track.

You know who you are, and I will admit, I have been guilty of it too.  But the fact that you are in a hurry doesn’t mean that the sea of shoppers should part so that you can “do your thing”.  I see it all the time, the shopper who is in a rush that nearly takes out the person comparing prices.  Oh yeah we see the dirty look you send our way when we take to long choosing the right cut of meat.  And heaven forbid the check out girl calls “price check” when you are behind us in line. 

For some people the grocery store is the only time they get a break from their kids.  Maybe it’s the only time they actually get out of the house. And maybe they need to take time to comparison shop because they are on a budget and trying to do the best they can in order to feed their family.  So again I say, it’s not their fault that you are in a hurry, and it would help us all out if you put on the brakes and learned a little patience.

Thought #3:  The isles of the grocery store are Not a playground!

In keeping with the grocery store theme, I have never seen playground equiptment anywhere in the isles of my local grocery store. News flash, isles are not to be run in.  They aren’t designed for pushing or wrestling matches. Carts are movable objects and are not meant for standing or pretending to be a carnival ride.  And for goodness sake any child under the age of 5 shouldn’t be walking around alone!  Notice I NEVER said don’t bring your kids to the grocery store!  In fact I encourage it.  What a perfect place to teach all kinds of valuable skills, from what is healthy to how to do math; the possiblities are endless.  BUT again, all we ask is that you participate with your children.  Be responsible if you choose to bring them, it makes a difference.

Imagine being a 3 year old.  There are new people, new sights, tons of smells, colors and yes even their favorite sugary cereal!  And guess what….if they are stuck in a cart and you ignore them what do you think they will do.  They are over stimulated with no outlet!  They will push, yell, ask for things and yep make the rest of us (AND YOU) miserable.  So make it an adventure and a learning experience, and we all will be better off!

Thought #4:  Pick up after yourself and the other people in your entourage!

Enough said

 Thought #5:  When the opportunity to help someone else presents itself ….take it!

We are all busy, and I get that often we are running from thing to thing and we can’t.  But there are times when we aren’t in a hurry and we can take that extra moment to make a difference.  Maybe it’s letting the person behind you with the 3 kids in tow go 1st in the check out lane or helping the stressed out mother whose little one is throwing a temper tantrum rather than judging her parenting skills.  Perhaps it’s assisting someone recover their hat or pick up the stuff the wind just carried away.  Maybe it’s even paying for the guy behind us at starbucks or just letting someone know that you “get it” when they are getting frustrated.  Paying attention to the little things and making them just a bit better can make a HUGE difference in someone’s day, and I challenge you to make it a habit! 

Thought #6:  Don’t jump to conclusions  

I can hear it now…those of you who say isn’t that what you are doing?  And no I’m not.  I’m just writing about the behaviors I see first hand and am making suggestions that would make each situation just a little bit better for everyone involved.  I don’t judge the lady in a hurry, I just ask that she is considerate of those around her.  I don’t judge the mom with the screaming kids, but have a suggestion for how her next outing might be better. 

You see I get that life is full of crap.  I get that you still have to go to the grocery store hours after your father passes away. I understand that sometimes you need a break or have to get out and the only place you can go is the park. I feel for the mom who’s toddler runs off screaming and they have to go get them amidst rolling eyes and judging stares.  I’ve been there wandering aimlessly through the isles with tears streaming down my face when all I wanted was to have him home for Christmas. Trust me I’ve been there.

But when a stranger comes up to you and says “Who do you have to buy for”? and helps you choose gifts for your kids when you can’t focus, you really “get it”.  You get that it’s about participating in our lives no matter what it is we are doing.   It’s about being part of a community of people who support one another in small and meaningful ways. And it’s NOT about judgement.

The 5 minutes in which that stranger, who btw happened to be a military spouse and understood why I was so lost, made such a difference in my life that I will be forever grateful. And I don’t even know who she is.  That is what I’m talking about.  The small things.  The important things.  The things that as a society we are seeing less of.  No  matter where you are, at the park, at the store, with your dog, with your kids you participate in the actions around you in a way that affects others.  And you get to choose how you do it. Choose attitude and negativity, or choose the right way.  It’s up to you whether you will participate with impact, compassion, responsibilty and love verses living a life filled with negativity, attitude, rudeness or impatience.

So whether it’s being attentive at the park, or patient at the grocery store or offering a helping hand, as Ghandi would say “Be the change you want to see in the world”.  It matters to everyone around you!

If you can’t say something nice….

Today’s Direction Moment:  What you say to others matters!

Your grandma may have said it, maybe your mom drilled it into your head like mine did, but I sure wish the saying “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” was making it’s rounds again because I have seen first hand that someone’s momma didn’t teach their children (young and old) this important lesson at all!

Over the last 4 days I have heard people say the meanest things to their kids, their neighbors, the lady in line at check out even their pets.  And frankly I just don’t get it.  What good does it do anyone if you are well….mean? 

I get we all have our “moments”, I get that sometimes my patience is a bit on the thin side, but at no time does that make it ok for me to become a mean girl.  Again I ask what good does it do other than hurt the person you are mean too, make everyone around you uncomfortable and bug someone enough that they will go home and write a blog about it?

Being mean no matter what the situation isn’t productive at all.  In fact it is the direct opposite of productive.  You’ve probably seen the Patrick Swayze movie Roadhouse where he is the “King of all bouncers”, his unlikely success is because he believes in “being nice”.  In the scene where he is training his team to clean up a rowdy bar what does he tell them?  “Be nice”…ask them to leave, but “be nice”.  If they don’t leave, escort them to the door, but “be nice”……His philosophy that you kill them with kindness and being nice is something we all need to do more of !

Like I said earlier, there is nothing good that comes from being mean.  You won’t get ahead.  You won’t find success.  You won’t be the best person you can be…. if you are mean.  Mean-ness is like a plague, it spreads and takes over a little bit at a time.  It eats away at your mindset.  It stops you from moving forward and it creates obstacles that are often impossible to overcome.

But here is the funny thing, Nice-ness expands exponentially.  You know the pay it forward concept.  Yep it breeds more nice-ness. Watch a smile, it spreads like wildfire! Ever seen a giggly toddler and not instantly be filled with joy? What about a puppy or an elderly couple holding hands.  All of these things spread happiness and good feelings because they are nice!

So to the person who was so mean to the little old lady who was walking just a tad bit slow - I think this post will be dedicated to you and your nasty attitude!! Maybe just maybe  you will get the message that if you can’t say something that will brighten someone’s day then don’t say anything at all! For the rest of us next time we will just make sure that that little old lady gets the attention and help that will make her day brighter!

Hard Choices

 

Our Sadie

Today’s Direction Moment: Sometimes  the hardest choices are the right choices 

Making decisions is hard for all of us.  For me the difficulty lies not in the choices I make about MY everyday life but in the choices I make when they involve my family.  Why? Well bottom line, emotionally those things that impact their lives hold the most charge for me.

So often my family relies on me for their well being.  They trust that I have their best interest at heart, and they intuitively know that in my world, they are more important than anything else.  Making decisions that affect them are the hardest.  So you can imagine that the decision to put our cat Sadie down was one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make. It was the right decision for her, but it was a hard choice because it impacted us all.

You see Sadie was special, we saved her on a cold Michigan day when she crawled out from under my parents home after she was  unknowingly left behind by the animal rescue worker that saved her brothers and sisters. She barely had her eyes open, was cold and sick, but when she snuggled up under my daughters chin, well the rest was history.  Even as a kitten there was something “off” about Sadie.  We joked about how inbread she was each time she ran head first into a wall or would sit and stare for hours (one time she actually watched a candle and didn’t move for almost 4 hours)…she just did her Sadie thing and no matter how “weird” she was, she was ours and those amazing blue eyes got you everytime.  People loved her even those who hate cats.

From the moment we took her to the first vet, they “warned” us that she was farrel (wild), and that the life expectancy was much less than a healthy cat, but we didn’t care.   She needed taking care of, and we were chosen to do so.  And instantly she became part of the family. Truth be told, I’m not much of a cat person, but Sadie changed all that.  She was beautiful, cuddly and interactive. and I loved her.

Sorry, when I get emotional I tend to get sidetracked (as my long time readers know…;) ), so back to my original point of this blog which is about making the hard choices.  Making decisions when there is an emotionally charged situation is probably the hardest thing to do.  No matter if it’s due to a pet who no longer has quality of life, or some other situation that we encounter, if we didn’t care the decision would be easier.

Making decisions is part of life, and I guess up until now, I didn’t realize that so often I have thought that the whole process of choosing and deciding was just hard.  But I don’t think that’s always the case.  Decisions are easy if you are the only one they impact.  You know what you want, and choose based on the facts.  And you live with the consequences. That’s easy.

But when the choice that you make affects someone else, well that’s when it becomes hard.  It’s hard to take action when someone else feels the impact as much or even more so than you do. Maybe it is that way because we don’t really know the impact our choice has on anyone other than ourselves.  Intuitively, we understand that if we chose, we aren’t the only one’s who have to deal with the consequences.  And THAT is hard.

Knowing that a decision we made will cause sadness for someone else makes it more difficult, especially when that decision is emotional to us personally.  Doing right by Sadie was just that, a Hard Choice.  It impacted my husband, my children and our other pets.  It changed the dynamic in our home, and today everyone is just a little quieter than normal.  The college kids call to find and give comfort, and the animals are antsy because things have shifted.

Choices are like that…they impact the world in which we live and change things forever.  Some choices are simple and others difficult, and sometimes the difficult choices that we make in our lives are about doing the right thing, no matter how hard and emotional that is. 

I don’t know if this makes sense to any of you, but bottom line I realize that the hardest choices we make are the ones that affect the people we care most about.  It’s up to us to do our best when life presents us with a challenge that forces us to choose which action to take.  And for today, that’s hard.

How We Beat the Economic Crisis!

Today’s Direction Moment:  Hard work and focused teamwork really do pay off!!!

Here in the Davis household we are doing the happy dance today!  After almost 6 years of recovering from serious financial devastation, we can actually see and feel the results of our hard work and sacrifice. We are stepping out of the black hole and beginning to raise our arms in triumph! We did it …How you might ask, by working together, supporting each other and finding a strong determination that we didn’t know we had. There wasn’t a magic formula, the perfect business or the luck of winning the lottery, no we picked ourselves through a lot of blood, sweat and tears and finally after what seems like a lifetime, we are moving through the light at the end of the tunnel!

The events this week prove that, they were tangible, and concrete. They are  just what I have been waiting for to confirm that the worst is over.  Not that I didn’t notice the balances steadily decreasing or our debts getting checked off one by one, but the rollercoaster ride seemed neverending.  However when we paid our last car payment and finally recieved the ”Paid, satisfied and discharged” documents for an outstanding 2nd mortgage, I knew in my heart that we were actually beating this economic crisis and were back on track! 

To think a few short years ago when we lost everything in the wake of this messed up economy we had no idea how we were going to feed our children, pay our bills or even begin to settle our debts.  And now here we are to say it can be done. We are living proof that this economy need not get the best of you!  Will it happen overnight, no.  Will it be harder than you anticipated, Yes.  But if you focus and work hard you will come out stronger than ever before.

In our journey, we have met so many people that have similar stories to our own, and sadly we aren’t the only family who this economy has hit really hard.  You may be feeling the effects yourself, or know someone else who is also, which is why I decided to share my “2 cents” in case there was someone out there who felt as helpless as we have, and needed to know that losing your job, your house, your friends or even yourself need not be the end.  Trust me, you can get through these hard times with the right attitude, determination and guts.  

What made things turn around for us?  Instead of being victims, we made some hard decisions and changed our lives drastically. In a previous post ( titled: Is your thinking toxic?)  I shared some of our choices and a bit of our story, so I won’t bore you again, but what I do want to point out is that those choices paired with the little daily sacrifices helped us get to where we are today.  Believe me it wasn’t anything major that put us over the tipping point, but all the little things that added up over time that moved us forward and eventually got us back on track.  So in hopes of helping someone out there, I wanted to share  some of the “daily choices” we made that helped us recover:

• Missing out on the traditions of Vegas, Maine and Float trips with family and friends
• Saying “no” more often than we wanted to our children
• Living within a strict and limited budget (yes a family of 4 can survive and recover on less than $2000 a month)
• Committing to never using Credit again
• No smart phones
• No HBO, Cinemax or anything other than basic cable
• In home date nights
• Contributing to a Roth IRA instead of buying new clothes
• Dealing with the inconvenience of sharing 1 car with 3 other drivers
• Camping vs  “real” vacations
• No “spa” days (you got it, no  mani/pedi or any other ”necessities”   – I think this was one of the hardest for me ) 
• Skype vs in person visits
• Minimal visits to the kids at college (ok so this was harder than the no spa days)
• Many a birthday and christmas with no gifts

And that’s just what I could think of off the top of my head, and I get that everyone’s lifestyles are different and you may feel that there is no way you can fix things.  But I do know that no matter what your situation, applying some simple adjustments no matter how small they may seem can really add up over the long run.

These last years have been humbling, humiliating, hard and horrific.  And not just because we “gave up” all that stuff.  The most difficult thing about our financial situation was dealing with our pride and struggling with the mindset that we were “failures”.  But in hindsight that couldn’t be farther from the truth.   It took a while for me to see that we aren’t failures in any way.  In fact we are far from that.  To be able to come back after what we went through in just 6 short years is anything but a failure. 

Sure there were times that I didn’t know how we would make it, and times where I hated myself as a parent for not providing “enough”.  But the reality is, this experience has really taught all of us some valuable lessons about needs, wants and necessity.  It’s taught us how to overcome the obstacles that life can place in our path, and shown us what you can do if you have a strong enough desire to change your circumstances.

I am so proud of our success and the fact that we did it on our own with no handouts.  But most importantly, I must thank my children who continue to be our inspiration through it all.  I am grateful that the worst is behind us and know that if we  keep doing what we are doing, have faith and be patient we will ensure that we can complete this journey and come back stronger and better than before!

Stupidity or “Pinterest-ing” you decide…..

Ok as you probably know I love social networking.  I love it for business, I love it to reconnect, I love it for fun, I love it when my soldierman is away from home and I love it for ….well lots of reasons. 

I don’t know about you, but finding out the latest news, the greatest tip and all the nitty gritty regarding the “life and times” of family and friends can go from a quicky check to a 5 hour marathon (….of time wasting activity that I will never get back) in a blink of an eye. 

Let’s not forget the fact that if I’m not paying attention I may miss something!  Oh heaven forbid I don’t keep track of the latest post, tweet or entry and miss major news!  And to make things crazier…. now we can “ding” and vibrate each time an update occurs insuring that we never miss what Suzie Q had for dinner!  AHHHH……

And you wonder why I refuse to “get with the times” and transition to a SMART PHONE…yep I’m choosing to “stay stupid” or we all know that social networking would take over my life! And that’s a bad thing right?

The idea of being connected even more than I am is truly frightening (thus my refusal to go to the dark side of “apple”ication land). I’ve tried to “walk away from the keyboard” and seriously I’m lucky if I can go for a whole day without “checking in”.   I want to not care about what is going on EVERYWHERE. I wish I could go for a whole day without feeling like I will be missing some inspiration, some “must have” business tip, or the perfect deal.  I hate that I remember birthdays when the little square present in the upper right hand corner tells me that one of my “friends” is celebrating today.   Yep love hate relationship at it’s finest!

When did it get like this? I don’t remember signing up to be so connected to everyone and literally knowing everything about all they do everyday of their lives.  I did mention that I love it right? And I do…but for the life of me I am trying to figure out why it is that I learn about most everything via my wall?  I celebrate nieces and nephews big events via the pics on my wall and posts making me feel like I’m “there”.  I chat, joke and cry with cousins, old friends and business associates. I send support and inspiration via my page….and yes I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

But I am noticing more and more that I need to pick and choose which ”social media sites” to be social on, or over time I am sure that my contact with the real world will truly suffer.  

You may wonder why all of a sudden I’m “gettin a little stressy” over this social media stuff when I’ve been plugged in for years to sites like Facebook, Twitter and Linked in and never had an issue with “time management” before.  Well I blame Pinterest *….my  new obsession that has me wondering if I need to worry about this new “pinning” addiction I am developing, that is really affecting my ability to get anything done in my “real life”.

The incredible thing about social networking sites, is that it starts out as simple as “wow this is a great way to stay in touch with people” or “YES finally a place to do…..”  and the next thing you know you are spending time sharing insights, posting info, building farms, sending gifts,  and playing games  not to mention the sheer amount of time it takes to  keep up with all the “goings on” of thousands of people.  And don’t even get me started on farkle and bingo bash as a late night way to wind down….yeah right….sigh!

So in an effort to “stay stupid”,  I’ve decided NO MORE, I vow to stay away from the next latest and greatest “thing” that promises to help me connect, build my social life, expand my business or organize my interests. 

Now to stick with it, which I’m sure will prove to be “pinteresting” or just a plain case of stupidity!

*If you don’t know what Pinterest is…walk away, no better yet run as fast as you can, because it is the most brilliant and fascinating way to find the coolest information and waste away time while feeling like you are actually being productive as you plan, share, learn and organize.  I mean how many places can you find the best chocolatey gooey recipe right next to the workout that will give you killer abs and have not even an ounce of guilt!? Yep that’s pinterest!  Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Why is it ALL or NOTHING with me?

Today’s Direction Moment:  Remember doing something is better than watching and wishing!

I don’t know about you, but since the time I was little, the concept of “all or nothing” has been a part of my everyday philosophyon how to achieve any type of goal. 

• Exercise: 1 hour daily or it wasn’t worth it. 
• Grades:  A’s or it wasn’t good enough. 
• Diet: Either I was following whatever program perfectly or what’s the point and off to sugar land I go. 
• Networking:  5 prospects a day or I wasn’t “working my business properly”. 
• Blogging: Write a blog EVERY day or you are letting your readers down
• Quit smoking: Yep I had NO willpower and was a “LOSER”  each time I caved until I actually quit on my 7th try (but only after I thought I was going to callapse running with the kids and decided I didn’t want to scar them for life)

These “ideas” are just some of the examples of the “all or nothing” mindset that I, like so many others, have been plagued with forever. 

We grow up believing if we don’t do it “right”, if we slack or fail even once that it’s not worth any effort. But I’m slowly realizing that it’s not the huge drastic changes that stick for me.  The stuff that actually works in my life are the things that I really don’t have to think about.  It’s the things that make me feel good when I do them.

For example take my latest goal of competing in a Dirty Girl Run/Obstacle course in Sept. The other day I was doing my “Week 4 Day 2″ of the couch to 5k training I am using to prepare and all my desire and motivation went up in a puff of smoke (well more like the sound of a panting dog but … 

Anyway, up until yesterday I was LOVING it and really felt good about how quickly I was building up my ability to run. I looked forward to my workouts and felt accomplished as I put a big green X through each day. Well who knows why but W4D2 wasn’t happening according to “the plan” on my fridge.  I did my warm up and began my run and struggled through the first 5 minutes literally talking to myself the whole time, panting like a dog, just doing whatever I could to make it to 9 minutes.  And when I couldn’t go more than 5 without stopping to walk for a bit I was upset.  Pissed is more like it, but I’ll keep my language in check…   

Well after a brief break in running I caught my breath and started again finishing the final 4 minutes struggling all the way. I was frustrated and mad.  I “did” 8 minutes the other day, why couldn’t I at least do that?  I didn’t follow the plan and I failed. So I’m sure it comes at no suprise that the self doubt started to creep in.  How am I ever going to be able to run a 5k?  I can’t even run for 9 minutes and am not even close to a mile let alone 3.24 miles.  They will turn the lights out before I even finish that’s if they can stop laughing in the process…Ahhh the “all or nothing” mindset rearing it’s ugly head!

Thankfully “balance” is my 2012 montra or I may not be writing this today.  I realized that I spend a lot of time educating and coaching people on the importance of taking action.  Any action.  I talk about how it’s simply about moving forward not about how fast you do so.  Reality check for the “diva”….there are so many instances in my life thatI need to take a little of my own medicine….Do as I say not as I do,  right? 

It’s not about that 9 minute choppy run on a windy cold day in Jan.  It’s about the fact that I got my booty out the door and ran as best I could. I didn’t use an excuse to stay inside, and some action is moving me farther along than no action. I need to remember that it’s the consistancy that will get me there, not one day, one workout, one missed run.  For that matter it’s not one dessert, one phone call, or one setback that will make or break anything.  And most importantly in life,  it’s not all or nothing.  It’s a process and it’s that “all or nothing” attitude  that stands in my way of true success in many things.

Things sure would be different if I just focused on doing my best and continue to take action in ways that work on any given day at any given time.  It’s as simple as an apple over a piece of godiva.  Yoga over the latest episode of some stupid show.  A run over sitting on the couch. It’s all those small choices that will add up and move me forward over time, not “the plan”. 

I really think that the “all or nothing” mindset really underminds our ability to enjoy the journey toward our goals, and if we used ”The plan” as a guide rather than the thing to measure our worth we’d be a lot better off. So I’m going to work on continuing to make choices and take actions in little bits, focusing on not beating myself up if my plan (or my run) falls short once in a while.  I’m human, life happens and doing something is way better than doing nothing in the grand scheme of things!

And I ask you…..”What the Hell is wrong with me”?

Today’s Direction Moment: Sometimes a break in your routine is just what we need to get back to ourselves! 

Some call it re-grouping, others think I disappear on occasion to get away from it all, and those who really “get me” know it has NOTHING to do with them even though I’m sure they get frustrated when I fall off the radar for days at a time!

You see while I’m totally a “people” person, I have noticed a trend in my life as of late.  I used to ”refuel”  by surrounding myself with people.  I craved large get togethers, meeting strangers and filling my free time with people.  If I wasn’t out and about you could find me on the phone chit chatting (much to my husbands dismay) at all hours of the day and night.  I met people everywhere and a perfect day was spent with lots of commotion and activity.

But since we came into the military world, things are SO different.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love meeting people, but now routine, predictability and peace are the things I crave. I find myself popping in headphones at the gym where only a few years ago I was the “chatty Cathy” who made everyone smile no matter how silly they looked in that step class or on that treadmill.  I notice that more often than not I prefer a quiet evening with my hubby watching movies with a glass of wine over going out and about.  Just recently when my son was home on break he asked “why don’t you have the tv on or some music playing….it’s so quiet here mom”, I realized that I really have begun to prefer to be with my own thoughts rather than have the “background noise” to keep me company. 

But an interesting thing happened yesterday.  I met an incredible lady a few months back and over coffee last week we were chatting and I mentioned that I hadn’t met very many people since our move and felt like I was spending to much time at home.  She graciously invited me to the book club she is part of, and I immediately said yes.   I was excited to go…right up until I had to get ready to leave. 

It’s kind of like that saying “an object that is set in motion stays in motion”, but totally the opposite in my case.  The thought of “getting ready” and driving ALL THE WAY there (wow a whole 20 miles…LOL) had me asking myself was it worth it.  It had nothing to do with her, the book club or anything other than the fact that it was out of my “routine”, and that made me uncomfortable.  “What if’s” popped into my head, What if they don’t like me, what if we have nothing in common, what if the car breaks down…I even considered using the fact that my husband was going into the field for a few days as reason to call her and say “next time”.

WTH!  What’s wrong with me!?!  I have been wanting to meet people who I had something in common with, here was a perfect opportunity and I was questioning whether or not it was worth getting dressed for….Again I ask WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?  How did I get to the place where quiet and routine takes precidence over friends and fun?  How did I become so boring?

Someone schooled in the art of psychology probably has a theory of how that first deployment “changed” my needs and had me yearning for normalcy yada yada, but the reality is somewhere in the last 4 years I quit being me in order to do what I thought I needed to do to ”survive” in this new life we are living.  I find myself holding on “to tight”, playing the “what if” game to often, and spending way to much time “handling” things as opposed to going with the flow and living. And the funny thing is that I didn’t even know it until I made myself go to “book club” and change my daily routine.  That simple act of driving to spend the evening with some amazing women is what made me realize what had happened to me.

So while they may not know it, the ladies of “The Read Winos” gave me so much more than a fun evening filled with good food, laughs, great conversation and an awesome Cabernet.  They gave me back the desire to find “me” in this new life and this new place. They made me see that there is an equilibrium that I can find which balances my need to re-charge with my new found need for routine and predictability.  They made it safe and helped me see that it is worthwhile to change it up and re-connect even though our new life has so many unknowns. 

So in answer to my own question “What’s wrong with me”?…..Nothing.  The reality is that I tried one way of handling all the changes that have occured these last few years, and while it felt like the “safest” option, in reality it kept me from being me and it was holding me back from what I need most – connections and fun. 

It’s really  just a simple case of needing to shake it up a bit and remind myself that I can’t control everything nor can I “hide” from the stresses or “what if’s” that this military life presents me with. Your “stuff” may not be military related, but I’m sure you can all relate to the times when you looked in the mirror and wonder “What the hell is wrong with me”…and the answer is NOTHING….

When you ask “What’s wrong with me”, realize it’s just a simple wake up call to change your routine and take the time to find yourself within your life. It’s that simple….now to gather the courage to take action and move forward, that’s the interesting part!

Award Nomination!

Thank you to Ann writer of http://channelcomfort.wordpress.com/ for nominating me for this award!  I LOVE her blog btw a definate must check it out if you haven’t already and feel honored and grateful that my blog is meaningful enough to be highlighted!  Can’t wait to pass on my nominations as well!!!

Rules of Accepting the nomination:

1. Thank the blogger who presented you with the award.
2. Post a photo of the award.
3. Share ten things about yourself readers don’t know.
4. Choose six people to present this award to.
5. Let the six bloggers know they have been awarded.

Ten things that readers do not know about me:

1.  I am currently training for my very first 5k.
2.  I am going to be a grandma this summer
3.  I have almost completed my 2nd degree in Aromatherapy (a little of a stretch from my BS in Math…LOL)
4.  Worry is the “thing” that I work on eliminating from my life more than any other emotion!
5.  Brachs Jelly beans and Harbro gummy bears  are my “go to stress foods”.
6.  While my fuse may be extremely long, I do have a temper
7.  I love to escape for days on a reading marathon
8.  Vegas is the one place I truly let my hair down
9.  I love to camp and be outdoors.
10.  The greatest joy of my life has been to become a mom

Tomorrow I will be posting the 6 blogs who I will recommend for this nomination!  Stay tuned!

“Why would you choose to be Army Strong”?

I had a long time friend ask me the other day how I stand this military lifestyle.  She was so supportive when my husband chose to ”re-enlist” again but beneath the support was this nagging question she had to get off her chest.  She admits that while she doesn’t “get it”, she is really trying to understand.  She had to know WHY? Why would we change EVERYTHING for “this”?

So I stopped to think about it….Why anyone would CHOOSE a life with long (and short) separations,  constant moves, crappy pay,  not to mention the inability to plan anything…..and if you are like my friend, you may have wanted to ask if we had officially lost our minds on that winter day in early 2008!?!  Truth be told, sometimes I think , almost 4 years ago when he decided to put his boots back on and attach the stripes on his chest, that we definately had a screw loose somewhere. I mean what were we thinking of leaving the comfort of friends, family and all we had built for THIS? A life full of unknowns and change…Yeppers definately reasons that’s are not easy to put into words…

So I began thinking about how to explain this life in a way that people, who aren’t intimately familiar with it, could understand what’s behind it all.  How do I let them know that it’s the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done?  How do I explain that while he took his oath and stated the “Warrior Ethos” I silently made up my own.  So I decided to share the “oath” I made up and took on the same day he did so you can get a better understanding as to how I  focus my mind so I can be “Army Strong”.  

I have never shared this before and it was modeled after the Warrior’s Ethos and goes something like this….

I am a Military Spouse.
I am a strong member of a special team. I serve the people of the United States as I support the Army Values.
I will always be accepting of the mission even if I don’t understand it’s purpose.
I will never be defeated by long separations from family/friends, deployments or unexpected challenges.
I will never quit on myself, my soldier or my family.
I will never forget that our mission is bigger than we are.
I am strong physically and mentally. I excel in my role as a military spouse.
I promise to always maintain my home, my children and myself to the best of my ability.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to handle anything that comes our way.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am a Military Spouse.

So you ask why I do it?  How am I able to live a lifestyle that is so different than how the majority of the world lives?  Because it’s that important to my spouse and it makes a difference in the world.  The reality is, and I think I speak for most of us out here, as a military spouse you learn to appreciate things in a whole different way.  You learn to change your expectations and go with the flow. You accept that things aren’t always equal, and that you need to be stronger than you have ever been before. And most importantly you take pride in knowing that you are just as much a part of their choice to serve as they are.

Is it easy?  Nope.  Sometimes do you want to throw things and scream about how much it sucks?  Yep.  Do you get angry because at times it feels that someone else is in control of your life?  Absolutely!

But when your family (and I emphasize family) takes that oath, you will do as I did and looked at your home for the last time as a civilian and know you now have to be Army Strong, not only for yourself, but for your children, your spouse and your country.

Back 4 years ago, I knew we were being called to do something that even now I don’t really “get”.  But over time I’ve realized that being in the military is a physical, emotional and logistical rollercoaster that frankly isn’t always easy.  However it’s  similar to any ride worth going on, there are times that you want off  so badly, but when it’s over you know that you would get back on again if given the chance.

You don’t know what you want to do with your life….SO WHAT!

Today’s Direction Moment:  Don’t be in such a rush to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life.

The age old question that we are asked from the time we can speak seems to be “What do you want to be when you grow up”?  We ask toddlers, we ask our tweens and we pressure our high school seniors to “choose”, we push and push until they pick something, anything, and I’m not really sure that this is the ”best” thing for them.  

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that we all have to grow up and move forward with some type of plan, but I’m watching my college freshman who is torn between multiple interests and is feeling the pressure to choose.  Now I realize that we have some part in what he’s feelings, but it wasn’t until he went off to college that the pressure really began to build.  And it starts with choosing classes.  By the middle of their first year of college, a 19 year old student who is just figuring out how to adjust to living outside of the family, is forced to choose a path so they can “graduate on time” and get a job. They are told that they need to pick and that by doing so they have a better chance at being successful.  

Hmmmmm……

No wonder they get overwhelmed.  No wonder they feel “bad” that they don’t know what to do with their lives.  It’s hard enough to keep up with classes, studying, social activities and well just being in college, but on top of it we put this a “ticking timebomb” on their lives suggesting that they had better figure it all out and soon or else….

After my son posted the simple statement “how is it that i still have no idea what i want to do with my life?!”  everything in me screamed “YOU ARE 18, HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW?”  It was then I realized with a sinking feeling in my gut that somehow, somewhere the line got blurred.  And when his wise aunt said “Honey, if you are lucky you’ll know before you are 40. Most of us who thought we knew at 18 were wrong anyhow”, it dawned on me that something in the way we condition our young isn’t really in their best interests.  It’s more about the “shoulds” and a time line rather than about the individual and there needs. 

It’s sad that it’s become about  (or maybe it’s always been and I just didn’t recognize that I had fallen into the same trap with my kids) what we as a society think is the ”right” way to go through life? And while I thought that we had defused that belief, the reality is that we didn’t.  The age old formula  Go to school, do your best, go to college, do better, graduate, get a “real” job and preform your best, AND  if you do all these things, in the right order you will find the promised land!  The truth is that not many of us can say that when we followed the “right path” , or the path we “picked” that our lives turned out exactly how we dreamed they would be at 18.

The reality is somewhere in that mystical grey area.  We put so much emphasis on the formula that we lose our individuality, the thing that makes the world exciting.  What I “see” out there in the real world is that happiness is built on so much more that following what society deems as the formula for a successful life.  It has more to do with things like a solid work ethic, an inquisitive and educated mind that continues to grow, an ability to pick yourself back up when the going gets touch,  and the capacity to be compassionate and laugh at life that really gets you the pot of gold filled with happiness and prosperity.  It isn’t the choice you made at 18 or even at 40. It’s about how you handle the choices that you do make.

Life happens, and if we learn the lessons presented to us and develop the skills that will help us to adapt to a variety of situations we will find the “feeling” that we are looking for that tells us “Yes, this is what I want to be when I grow up”!  Am I saying that college isn’t the answer, no….in fact  I believe that for many going to college is a great place to learn valuable life lessons that far surpass anything that the professor teaches.  And I’m not saying that college is the only path either.  What I’m saying is that as a society I don’t understand why “choosing” at such a young age the norm?  Why the pressure to grow up so fast?  And why do we all feel as though there is something wrong with us if we don’t know all the answers to life immediately upon becoming an adult?

I guess my point is that not knowing what you want to be at 18  is a good thing.  It means that you are open to possibilities and you want to embrace all that the world has to offer.  So if I could offer a piece of advice to anyone questioning what they want to be when they grow up…. 

Stop worrying about it, work hard at what you are doing, continue to take action on the things that feel right, and the rest will come to you all in good time.  And in the mean time, be silly, giggle lots and continue to skip, because as my grandma used to say…it’s important to stop and smell the roses, and that’s what it’s all about anyway right?